Annaliese’s alternative Valentine’s message
‘Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love should not be one of them.’
“Yes, YES!” I hear you say, nodding in agreement. “That’s great!” Is it what you stand for though? I mean, really stand for?
Unless you’re living under a rock somewhere, you will have noticed it’s the big one this week – Valentine’s Day. I’m not here to write about any expectations, or how men and women should laden each other with declarations, gifts and surprises. I see it as a day for expressing the love within us to others, which will be personal to you.
I write as a happy single woman who is also a mother (2 boys to be exact). There was a time I dreaded Valentine’s Day; it was the equivalent of salt in the wound – as though the whole world had personally taken time out to specifically let me know everybody else had a partner or someone who wanted them, but me. Thankfully, these days such a cruel notion is far enough away from me that I no longer recognise it. It isn’t because of anybody else; it’s the love I feel for life and for me, which keeps such self-cruelty bouncing off before I get chance to notice. It’s a lifelong growth of being aware of the stories we tell ourselves.
It is this reason I cheerlead (without the pom poms – they don’t suit me) loving your own life and of course yourself. I believe in having your own thing going on. I believe in following your own track in life. I believe in seeing your own beauty in the mirror. I believe in authenticity and passion. I believe in becoming clear on your own values as a person, and those you wish to receive.
Rather than viewing romance as what meeting someone can do for you or thinking how unfair and darn right wrong it is that you haven’t met them, or how you can’t believe they haven’t rung/texted/emailed (delete as appropriate) …Have you looked at what you are able to give to them? What do you offer life generally? How do you behave?
Unwrapping yourself and owning who you are, knowing you are enough, is a freedom which escapes many, whether you are single or not. It’s a freedom I’ve gained and I get to keep.
I’m continually creating and enjoying a fun and passionate life. It has allowed me to grow and expand, to hold my persona no longer feeling the need to apologise for it. I’ve learnt to drop the ickyiness of ‘please sir, choose me’ and I stay true to who I am and what I find important by winning over my own heart. When we can do this purely for ourselves, we discover a new space, the capacity to love, adore and protect someone else, to make his or her heart sing, to breathe life into him or her.
As Derek Rydall powerfully states, ‘You cannot make a demand on life that exceeds your belief about it.’
Have fun this Saturday, whether that is with your dream girl, your man or your own soul.
I send you all daisy love and a beer!
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